If there's a prize for rotten judgment
I guess I've already won that
Well, aren't you one mighty grubfucker. What is even your problem, turning red when she whispered into your ear. Your blood pusher was fucking stupid too, beating so fast and so loud you were almost certain she could hear it right then and there. But she only pulls back, a frown on her face, and she slaps your shoulder.
"Did you hear anything I said?"
"About the magical fancy trip we were apparently taking to the Land of Rainbows and Unicorns, where we disembowel ourselves by shoving sparkledust up our--"
Terezi presses her forefinger to your lips, the universal sign of shut the fuck up. "Blargh, this is why we can't have nice things! We're going to have a nice picnic, you moron!"
She withdraws her hand. "I bet we're just gonna play with your scalemates again," you grumble.
"Yeah, we're gonna do that too." Terezi smiles her shark-toothed grin and runs away as you chase her around and around your hive. Eventually you trip on your husktop (which is really stupid), ending up sprawled on the floor. You hear her signature cackle and the opening and closing of a door. "Bye Karkles!"
No girl is worth the aggravation,
It's ancient history been there, done that
You get up, not giving a damn about the dust on your front because leaders don't care about trivial shit like that, then you think about what Terezi would say and wipe it off anyway. You log on to Trollian, hoping your idiot of a best friend/moirail can help you.
--carcinoGeneticist [CG] started trolling terminallyCapricious--
TC: what's up bro?
CG: I NEED YOUR HELP.
TC: WHAT CAN I HELP YOU WITH MOTHERFUCKER.
CG: GOD I WISH YOU'D STOP TYPING LIKE THAT.
CG: IT'S FUCKING TERRIFYING.
TC: i can't stop
TC: IT FEELS UNNATURAL NOT TO.
CG: YOU BLISTERING IDIOT DO YOU KNOW HOW TRAUMATIC THAT IS
CG: DO YOU WANT ME TO THINK ABOUT EVERYONE DYING SHITLOADS OF TIMES
CG: WHAT KIND OF SHITTY MOIRAIL ARE YOU, YOU BULGEMUNCHING FUCKWIT?
CG: I MEAN, NOT THAT OUR FRIENDS AREN'T ALIVE AND ALL.
CG: SKAIA FLIPPING OUR SHITS LIKE THIS IS NOTHING NEW
CG: IT AIMS TO KEEP OUR SHIT CONSTANTLY TWIRLING IN THE AIR
CG: IT'S HELD THERE BY THE FORCE OF SHEER STUPIDITY. GRAVITY COULDN'T HANDLE IT SO IT LET OUR SHIT FLY UP INTO IDIOT SPACE.
CG: SEE, THERE YOU GO, SPURRING ME INTO ANOTHER RANT.
CG: I TOLD MYSELF I WOULDN'T DO THIS ANYMORE, BUT YOU JUST HAD TO SET ME OFF.
CG: WAY TO WRENCH THE TRAIN OFF IT'S TRACKS, YOU MORON.
CG: ANYWAY, IT'S ABOUT TEREZI.
TC: YOU GONNA TELL HER YET?
CG: TELL HER WHAT?
CG: I WAS SIMPLY GOING TO REQUEST METHODS ON HOW TO SURVIVE AN ENTIRE DAY OF PLAYING WITH SCALEMATES
CG: AND PROBABLY HANGING THEM.
CG: THAT PAIN IS TANTAMOUNT TO REFRAINING FROM RIPPING OFF MY THINKPAN AND CHUCKING IT AT YOU WHENEVER WE HAVE A CONVERSATION.
CG: IN CASE IT WASN'T OBVIOUS THAT WAS A JOKE AND NO MURDER SPREES ARE NEEDED.
TC: whoa, relax bro, i've been up and in my chill for forever now.
TC: AND WE BOTH KNOW WHAT YOU'RE FEELING.
CG: HOLY SHIT WERE YOU JUST HITTING ON ME
CG: SUDDENLY THE URGE TO THROW MYSELF OFF A CLIFF INCREASED EXPONENTIALLY.
TC: aww you can stop hiding it
CG: HIDING MY HATRED FOR YOU? NEVER DID.
CG: THAT IS PLATONIC HATRED FOR YOUR INFORMATION, YOU WORTHLESS FUCK.
TC: WANNA KNOW THE BEST MIRACLE?
TC: it's love, yo.
TC: LOVE IS THE BEST MOTHERFUCKING MIRACLE THERE IS.
CG: I THOUGHT YOU WERE OVER YOUR SHITTY OBSESSION WITH MIRACLES.
TC: wanna know what's even better than the best miracle?
TC: THE BESTEST MIRACLE OF THEM ALL.
CG: OH MY GOD HAVE YOU BEEN EATING SOPOR PIE AGAIN
CG: I TOLD YOU TO STAY AWAY FROM THOSE THINGS THEY ROT YOUR THINKPAN.
CG: YOU KNOW, IF YOUR LUSUS DIDN'T DROP YOU ON THE HEAD MULTIPLE TIMES ALREADY.
TC: THE BESTEST MOTHERFUCKING MIRACLE
TC: is you feeling the reds for terezi
You promptly shut your husktop, slam it really. Man, what an idiot. He must have done something to fuck his head up more, if that was even possible.
Anyway, what he said was totally not true at all and fuck everyone else who thinks otherwise.
You don't crawl into your recuperacoon clumsily, and you certainly didn't spill some sopor slime as you flailed around. Even if it did happen, it wasn't because you were thinking of what Gamzee said. Anyone who says so is lying.
Who do you think you're kiddin'?
She's the earth and heaven to you
Try to keep it hidden
Honey, we can see right through you
Boy, you can't conceal it
We know how you feel and
Who you're thinking of
The picnic's a week from now. Currently you're walking in one of those human parks, with the concrete sidewalks and trees lined up on both sides. It's...September (humans have weird ass names), and the season is apparently autumn, or so says John, who's yammering beside you. Apparently trees turning orange is normal. So is shedding leaves, even though it looks like invisible ghost hands are murdering the tree.
Turns out you said that out loud because John stops talking and looks at you strangely, as if you hiked your pants up to your chest. "You had better analogies," he says.
"They're perfectly fine, you dipshit."
John does his best impression of a thoughtful face. "Nope, I don't think so." Then he grins. "Why are you so pouty?" He squishes his cheeks together and glares. He looks like an angry chubby piece of bread with an overbite. "This is what you look like," he mumbles.
"So I look like a rolled up piece of shitbarf my acid sack threw up, or an even more hideous John Egbert than usual. I don't know which makes me want to kill myself more, knowing my face brings terror to anyone who sees it. Ding ding ding! Rings the ugly bell, Egbert's face wins this uglypalooza."
John laughs so hard he bends over and clutches his stomach. He's wiping tears from his eyes already. "You're hilarious, Karkat."
You will never understand this specimen.
"Seriously though." Miraculously the human stopped laughing and actually looked serious for a change. "What's up?"
You don't know what is up with you this time or why you actually consider the question. "It's Terezi," you say with a sigh, shoving your hands in your jean's pockets and staring at the floor. Immediately you regret opening up to one of the most oblivious dunderfucks to ever exist, but he's been faring better in the quadrants than you so perhaps his thoughts wouldn't be too bad.
"Oh man did you kiss her yet?"
You smack your forehead with your palm. Clearly you thought wrong. "You idiot, why would you think that?"
"Well." John looks curiously at you. "Aren't you two in a quadrant?"
The thought makes your insides tumble about in a whirl of feelings, and happiness might be one of them, though you'd never admit it to anyone. "Whether or not I am in a quadrant with her, or is planning to" John's face lights up here"is not your business so you can get your"
"KARKAT'S IN LOVE!" John suddenly screams. He starts running around the park, scaring old ladies who were feeding pigeons and barreling through kids playing games.
"Egbert you better get back here right now so I can trample your brain and feed it to the birds!" You chase after him, but his long legs take him farther than yours ever will. He starts running through the trees and trips on a group of fallen leaves, still muttering, "Karkat's in lovee."
You sock him in the stomach; it takes the breath out of him. "Ouch
hurts." And he's still giggling a bit.
"Damn right it should." You sit and wrap your arms around your knees. On second thought you take your sickle from your strife specibus and throw it at John, who merely waves it off with his stupid windy powers.
"Skaia should've taken your 'windy thing' away," you say, as John tosses your sickle back. He also uses the breeze to shove a shitload of leaves at your face, which you tear apart. "Anyway, you're blowing the whole damn thing out of proportion," you say as a mess of orange, red, and yellow shower you like confetti. "You're putting ether into a large expanse of vacuum. Also you're the biggest idiot on this side of the universe and I don't know why I put up with you."
"Because we're buddies!"
"You're fucking masochistic."
"And you're in love with Terezi!"
No chance, no way
I won't say it, no, no
"No I am not!" you deny immediately, even though you're certain the red on your face speaks for itself.
You swoon, you sigh
Why deny it? Uh, oh
(Wait, what, who are you kidding; no it is not. You are embarrassed because John likes to intrude in other people's personal lives, whether he is welcome or not.)
"Hey, is that Terezi there?" John says, pointing directly behind you.
You shake off the bits of leaves that got in your hair, bolt upright, and look behind you, only to see nothing there. You turn back to John, fuming with hatred. The moron's laughing again. He's snorting now too. How disgusting.
"Hey would you look at that there's Vriska packing her bags and ditching you forever," you say, grinding your teeth.
A worried expression crosses John's face and he turns around, arms outstretched as if to reach something he could never obtain. When he returns his gaze to you, his usually bright eyes had dimmed. "That was a low blow," he says, half-heartedly punching your shoulder.
"Urgh, sorry," you manage to grit out.
"Ok then!" John smiles, as if he's never had a bad day in his life. "Anyway, we should totally have a palhoncho-to-palhoncho talk. "What're you gonna do next week for the picnic?"
"We're gonna throw scalemates into the river probably."
"Not that." John waggles his eyebrows and nudges you knowingly. It still looks really stupid on him. "When are you gonna make a move?"
"I told you I'm not making a goddamn shitty move! Quit it already! I'm not in love. Love is fucking stupid like how your face is perfect for hitting with an iron anvil. It practically begs, 'mash my face in because I can't bear being owned by a fucking ignoramus.' Anyway," you get up and start moving away, because John is grinning like you did something wrong and he's the only one who knows about it, "I gotta go. Bye shithead."
It's too cliche
I won't say I'm in love
As you walk around the park (you hadn't really left yet, you actually liked the colors of this human season), your thoughts wander back to before the game even started, when Terezi lost her vision.
You recall pestering her for three days without receiving a single reply. Then you packed your bags and set off for her place, covering yourself with a dusty old cloak you found in your hive somewhere, to hide yourself from any curious troll. That was the first time you left your place. You've only heard descriptions of where Terezi lived, and a few directions to guide you on your way.
You were walking amidst the trees, much like you are now, except those trees had blue trunks and the leaves falling all around you was pink, not the multicolored hues of autumn. You'd been walking for a day and several hours, forcing yourself to endure the exhaustion. But by that time your eyes were droopy and you weren't sure if you were going in the right direction, as you'd been in that forest for two hours without a hanging scalemate in sight.
Lady Luck decided to come visit you for a change then, because you heard a squeak and felt something soft under your foot.
You resumed your search with renewed vigor; soon enough, you were at her treehive. A rope ladder hung from four stories up. You swallowed your fear and climbed up, up, up, until you plopped down onto her floor, gasping.
"Terezi?" you said, trying to refrain from stepping on any of the stuffed dragons. You've searched her entire hive, but you only found her when you stepped onto her roof. She was lying there, the Alternian sun glaring down on her. You ran over to her, muttering about how dangerous the sun is for trolls and what is wrong with you and then you saw her eyes. Her red, burnt out eyes.
"What happened?" you said in a shaky voice. For once you were at a loss for words.
"Vriska," she said, unmoving. Silence descended for a time.
"Have you been here the whole time?" you prodded, finding the silence awkward.
"The sun was the last thing I saw, now it's all I'll ever see. Everything is red."
You were terrified. This wasn't the Terezi you knew, the one who played mind games and managed to blow up Vriska's arm and eye. "T-terezi, I"
She sat up and straight up cackled in your face, and then she licked your goddamn cheek. "What the fuck is wrong with you?!" You backed away so fast you almost fell over the edge. Luckily you managed to regain your balance. You wiped your cheek in disgust after.
"My lusus has been teaching me to see, but not in the way you're used to." She stood up and walked to the stairs leading back into her hive without missing a step. You gaped in awe. "Why are you here anyway?" she said. You could hear a smirk in her voice. "Worried?"
"Let's see, one of my best friends suddenly disappeared off the face of the planet and wouldn't reply to my messages wherein before I'd see tons of messages pestering me. Fuck no, I wasn't worried."
What she did next would be forever ingrained into your memory. She spun around with a devious grin on her face, then she skipped towards you (you were still staring in shock at how easily she was able to navigate without seeing anything), and she planted a kiss on your cheek. Aside from being one of the most embarrassing moments of your life, it was also when she found out your secret.
"Hm, do I detect the scent of cherries?"
"The only thing I detect is the scent of insanity that went over the edge and killed itself because it couldn't handle it's own fucked up qualities. Now that you're fine, I have to go and feed my lusus. He might get crabby and eat everything in my thermal hull again."
You rushed off, hoping she would forget about the whole thing.
Except that kiss, you added as an afterthought.
I thought my heart had learned its lesson
It feels so good when you start out
My head is screaming, get a grip, boy
Unless you're dying to cry your heart out, oh
Tomorrow is the picnic, and today you are lounging on one of the sofas of your hive when you hear a knock on the door.
"Who the fuck's there?"
"It is I, Kanaya."
"Uggh, wait, I'll unlock the door." You reluctantly shove yourself off the sofa, your plans of sleeping the entire day (stupid human time schedule) ruined.
"What are you doing here?" you say when you see the troll girl standing at your front door.
Kanaya taps her foot impatiently. "I sent you a message telling you to get dressed," she says, scowling. "And another thing, what is that atrocity you are wearing?" Judging from her tone you'd have thought you were the one who destroyed the matriorb.
You look down at yourself. You're just wearing your usual long-sleeved shirt with your symbol stitched on the front and gray pants. It's the same thing you've been wearing the past few sweeps or so. "What's wrong with this?"
Kanaya crosses her arms and purses her lips in frustration. "Are you wearing that for tomorrow?"
You shrug. "Well it's the only thing in my wardrobe."
"I would be happy to supply you with a wardrobifier of your own." Her voice is chilly, her eyes cold. To be honest, you're somewhat scared now. She's been trying to design clothes for all your friends since coming here, and has mostly succeeded, even getting Equius to wear a horrible suit. Except for you.
"Look, Kanaya, I appreciate the gesture, but"
She whips out her makeupkind strife specibus, which immediately transforms into a chainsaw. Her eyes glow with jade green fires, and paired up with her glowing skin, she looks like a demon sent from fashionable hell, ready to drag you down. "No, Karkat, I simply cannot allow you to look like you've came from the sewers. I will take you shopping, whether you consent or not."
"Oh come on, it's not that big of a deal!" You hold onto the edge of the door, because by that time Kanaya's grabbed hold of your waist and is attempting to wrench you off with all her strength. Your feet try to find purchase in the concrete floor. But your grip is slipping, and your nails are gouging marks on the door. In desperation you grab hold of the doorknob, hoping that by the end of this you wouldn't have ripped your door off or something.
"Karkat, stop being unreasonable and just come with me. This is for your own good. You wouldn't want Terezi to run away screaming at your offensive fashion choices in your first date, would you?"
You are so shocked (though you should probably stop that) at her words that you let go and plummet face-first to the floor. You push yourself off the floor and wipe at the blood that started leaking out of your cartilage nub. "Why is everyone making such a big-ass deal out of this? It's just a fucking friendly picnic, we're not going on a hot-air balloon ride suspended in a filial pail together."
Kanaya offers her hand to help you up; you take it grudgingly. "We are both aware of your romantic inclinations towards Terezi. Everyone's been talking about it, they were even placing bets on whether you would, 'run away like a pansy', as Dave put it. I, for one, believe you will do the right thing."
"And what the fuck is that?"
"That you will dress in proper attire and hopefully not ruin things between you and Terezi. My money is on the line."
"Fuck you and your shitty money."
Kanaya smiles. "It was a joke." She holds your wrist in an iron-grip, and is still smiling even as she leads you to the four-wheeled electric mobile box she somehow learned to drive. "Don't be so grouchy, this will be fun."
You sit in the front, crossing your arms. "Whatever."
"Think of it as one of your romance movies, wherein the main character goes through a metamorphosis that makes him/her even more appealing to the love interest," Kanaya says as she's starting the engine.
"That sort of shit only happens in the humans' dumb excuse for a romcom! And the ones Jade made me watch always had the girl going through some stupid makeover! This is emasculating."
"Terezi will approve of it."
Kanaya sneaks a glance at you and laughs. "Oh dear, looks like our valiant leader is in lo"
"Don't even say that word," you growl. "I've had enough of it from John."
"We all know you're contemplating your feelings, I just want to push you in the right track. I don't want you flailing around in bewilderment and denial, what kind of friend will I be?"
She sounds vaguely mocking but she has always been there, for you and everyone else, in times of need.
"Ugh. Stupid, lousy, goddamn, supportive friend."
You keep on denying
Who you are and how you're feeling?
Baby, we're not buying
Hon, we saw you hit the ceiling
Face it like a grown up
When you gonna own up
That you got, got, got it bad
You've been in the changing room for hours, Kanaya tossing jackets and shirts and shoes every ten minutes. You're practically engulfed in a flood of fabric and leather; it's reached your knees already. You are not kidding.
"Has this been your plan all along? To choke me to death with a sock?" you say, after spitting out the shirt that somehow landed in your mouth.
"Yes you have indeed discovered my diabolical plan. The only thing left is to cause a head trauma using this shoe." She indeed tosses a shoe, which you narrowly avoid. "Have you picked something yet?"
"Jesus, I can't pick anything, and they all look the same to me."
"Fine, hand me the choices and I'll choose three, then you'll pick."
"Why didn't we just do this in the first place?" You reach for the handle and push the door open, letting the clothes fall outside in a heap. Kanaya's holding two bags in each hand, and you could've sworn her outfit was different from earlier.
"I was busy," she says, sheepish.
"How did you even
" you groan. She drops her bags and rifles through the pile of clothes, grabbing three of every article of clothing and thrusting it at you.
You stare at them: a collared shirt, a short-sleeved jacket, slacks, and grey shoes. She gave you three of each but you can't discern any noticeable differences.
"Can you just
" you begin awkwardly. "Pick something you think Terezi would like?"
Kanaya positively glows with excitement. In a split second she has a new outfit in her hands.
"You are shitting me."
"I guarantee you she'll adore it."
I don't do that sort of thing!" you whine.
"Do you want tomorrow to be perfect? Perhaps you'll even have a happy ending similar to your favorite movies."
"I swear, you guys exaggerate everything
" You roll your eyes, but take the clothes anyway.
No chance, no way
I won't say it, no, no
The picnic is in thirty minutes and you're wearing something ridiculously formal for a walk in the woods. You stare at your reflection and tug at the idiotic bowtie Kanaya got you. You guess it doesn't look too bad. You're wearing a short-sleeved black jacket, black pants, and leather shoes. That was fine. What you didn't like was the bright candy red shirt and the red roses you held in your hand. It was too extravagant for your tastes, but Kanaya assured you it was fine, that Terezi loves red, and she's right.
You pace around, hands wringing the roses, until you hear a knock on the door and rush to it as fast as your legs could carry you.
Terezi is wearing a candy red dress and a teal jacket. You're stumped for a bit, because wow she looks pretty but you'd never dare say that out loud.
"Jeez, Karkat, you're dressed for those human weddings!" she says, taking the flowers and breathing in the scent. "These smell delicious! And you're adorable."
"Adorabloodthirsty," you immediately correct.
"Sure you are." She winks and puts her arm around your shoulder, which makes your face flame. "Why, Karkat, am I embarrassing you?"
"As embarrassed as I'd be with a troll girl who can't even make good color choices," you mutter.
"My outfit is cool and you know it." She sticks her tongue out at you. You roll your eyes but you smile anyway. She grabs your hand and drags you to another four-wheeled electric mobile box. You're not surprised to see that Kanaya's the driver; it was all part of the clever plan you totally didn't just improvise yesterday. "Hey, why's Kanaya here?" you say, hoping you don't sound too obvious.
"Yeah, Kanaya, where's the other person I hired?" Terezi says.
"There's been a change of plans, you are not going to the woods. Well, you still are, but not in the place you're expecting." Kanaya smiles at the two of you, then surreptitiously winks at you.
"Oh, no wonder you made me wear this. I'll pay you back for this Kanaya," Terezi says, grin in place. As she continues spouting threats at Kanaya, you can't help the little smile that comes on your face.
Give up, give in
Check the grin you're in love
The place turns out better than you expected, considering that it was short notice. It was an ornate table with two fancy velvet-cushioned chairs on either side. There was a single candle on the table, but the moonlight provided enough light for you to see. An entire course was laid out on the table; there were even wine glasses Rose provided. It was also in the middle of nowhere, but you told Kanaya that you wanted it to be peaceful and quiet so there was that.
"You know what to do," Kanaya whispers in your ear as she goes to wherever to leave the two of you alone. "Don't mess up." The last you hear is the rustling of some bushes, and she's gone.
"Er, wait," you say as Terezi makes a move towards a chair. "Let me, uh, take care of that."
You pull her chair back, motioning for her to sit down. She's staring at you incredulously, and a hint of a smile tugs at her lips. "My, aren't you the gentleman today. Did you eat Gamzee's pies or something?"
"I'd never touch those shitty pies if they were the last piece of grubloaf on Alternia. Now wait! Don't touch that!" Terezi was reaching for the metal cover of the food. "I apparently have to pour some drinks first."
You take the bottle of juice and pour it into her glass. "Is there something wrong with you?" Terezi says.
You almost spill the juice; you didn't realize your hands were shaking badly. "Everything's fucking dandy." You successfully finish the daunting task and proceed to your own chair. You didn't realize your blood pusher was racing till you sat.
A few minutes of silence passed.
"So, what now?" she says.
"Oh shit! Wait, I have to take off these stupid covers, shit, sorry" Oh god how could be such a stupid nookwhiffer of an idiot! Letting her starve like that, stupid, stupid. You stand up so fast your chair tumbles behind you, and you grab the metal covers off and throw them far away. "There," you say, panting.
Terezi is looking at you like you're insane. "What's wrong with you? You're acting even weirder than usual." She grins. "It's me, isn't it? You're obviously so flustered, hehe."
"No I'm not!"
"Come on, what's up, Karkles? Flowers, a candlelit hate date
Are you soliciting me for kismesis?"
"What no" You scramble for the right words. "That is not it at all." This wasn't how things were supposed to go at all. There was supposed to be talking and eating and finally
I" You can't say it. You just. Can't. You feel terrible all of a sudden. Why did you think this was a good idea, of course you were just gonna mess it up. You can't even bring yourself to accept your own feelings, let alone say it. You idiot.
You know you're gonna regret this, but you run off into the woods
And come face to face with John, Kanaya and Gamzee, all looking expectantly at you.
"Karkat, what's wrong!" John says.
"I can't do it. This scene won't fucking play. I can't, I won't say I'm in love," you mutter, looking down in shame. "Because I'm fucking not! This is all stupid, just another one of the events that prove how horrible I am and how the universe just fucking hates me."
"Broo, you gotta be able to do it! Let the miracles work it's magic, yo. You're doin' flips, read our motherfucking lips, you're in love."
"You're way off base, I won't say it. Get off my case, I won't say it." Because it's not true! This is nothing but a product of troll hormones or infatuations or whatever and who are you kidding.
"Karkat, don't be proud," Kanaya says.
"It's okay bro, you're in love," John says.
"Karkat, what's wrong?" Terezi says. You turn around and there she is, looking at your forlorn expression strangely. You gather your guts. You will do this. You will you will.
"My mind's become a total sap and my blood pusher's a total idiot, but that's not the only reason for what I'm gonna say next. You're not as bad as the rest of our friends, and to be honest you're actually the most decent one, even though you lick things and that's some prime weird ass shit, and I'm basically horrible at explaining this just like how I'm horrible at everything, and there's even no guarantee you'll accept since I'm the worst guy on the"
You're silenced when lips mash into yours. Terezi kissed you,Terezi kissed you, your mind keeps repeating.
She pulls back, much to your dismay, and pinches your ear. "God, you should really shut up sometimes, you know that? Yes, I'll be your matesprit, I've been waiting for you to ask. Now, let's go back to that dinner, I'm starved."
You return to the place holding hands, wearing the largest grin you've ever worn.
At least out loud
I won't say I'm in love